{Jeffrey}

I apologize for my absence on this here blog.  They day after I last posted, our little world was rocked when we got word that my brother-in-law Jeff had suddenly and unexpectedly passed away.  He was just 44, way too young to have a massive heart attack.  The next few hours and even days were spent frantically preparing to fly back to Idaho to be with family and to say goodbye.  

Since we have gotten home, I have struggled to put into words what I wanted to say and post about Jeff.  At the same time I couldn't seem to move on and post something different.  I couldn't move on to other things on the blog until I had gotten out of my heart what I needed to share about Jeff.  I still am not sure if I am ready but I recognize that it is sort of healing in a way.  

On the last night that the whole family was together in Idaho we sat around as a family and related stories that we wanted to share about Jeff.  We passed around a tape recorder so that we could capture every word to later be transcribed into something that could be read and treasured.  Ryan and I were late getting back from his Dad's, where we enjoyed dinner and games with Ryan's side of the family.  As we came in the stories were already in progress. Quickly, the kids found cousins to sit with.  I found a chair, but for some reason I couldn't sit still.  My emotions seemed to be right at the surface, ready to bubble over at any moment.  It was hard to believe that I would have any tears left to spill, I felt dehydrated and emotionally drained from the previous days.  I finally had to walk into the kitchen, away from the family and I fell apart in my sister Aina's arms.  

"I just can't do this," I sobbed into her shoulder.  It was all too fresh, too raw.  It wasn't as if I didn't have enough good memories to share.  I had too many.  

Jeff and my sister Amber started dating when I was nine years old.  The same age as my Meysa.  Jeff was more like a big brother, than a brother-in-law.  He was present for pretty much everything in my life.  He picked out my first training bra (long story and yes my sister was present for the occasion as well), he teased my boyfriends, he teased me, he offered to do my hair and makeup for dances in High School (he thought he had enough training being a mortician), he was there when I was married, gave me a priesthood blessing before the birth of my first child, and countless other occasions that can't be named individually because they all just blend together.  Too many ordinary days that made up our quirky relationship.

But he was there.  And now he is not.  There are days that I feel like I am in denial still.  It must all be a dream, a very bad dream.  Sadly, though I know that it was him that I saw in the casket and him that we buried on that cold, snowy day.  

Some days I am angry at him for leaving my sister alone.  For leaving our family with a giant hole, shaped like him.  Angry that he left his grand babies.  Angry that he didn't take better care of himself.  Just plain angry.  

Common sense tells me that the emotions I have are normal and that I need to feel them.  But sometimes it is just too much, just too painful.  There are mornings I wake up, willing myself to not think about it, but it never seems to work.  I can't not think of my sister and her loss.  The enormous weight left for her to shoulder alone.  At times like this, I hate being so far away.  I feel helpless.  A phone call is really all I can offer, hoping that she knows how much I would do for her if I were there.

And so....life goes on.  I have to pull up my boot straps and I have to find a way to make this new life that is void of Jeff work.  It will take time for the sting to fade, I know that.  I also I know that I will see Jeff again.  It is such a comfort knowing that families are forever!!  The gospel of Jesus Christ brings perspective and peace to my aching heart.  Thankfully, I only need remind myself that when I wish I were closer to my sister, the Savior is where I can't be.  Ultimately, only He can bring the kind of peace, comfort and strength that my sister and her children really need.

Phew, now that I got that out of my system, and have cried off my mascara, I think I can move on.  That is what life does, right?.  It moves on and we make the best of the challenges we get to experience.  We grow, we get stronger and we learn enormous lessons.  I will move on, I will grow and I will learn, but I will not forget.  Jeffrey, I love ya and I'll miss ya everyday.  

{Heitmann Family Economy}

{Wyatt is on dishes this week}

This new year brought some changes to our home.  After months of praying, thinking and strategic planning,  Ryan and I have implemented the "New Deal" so to speak at our house.  Several months ago, the thought had come to my mind that I needed to be doing more to teach my children about work, money, entitlement or the lack thereof, in their case.

My kids are normal kids.  If they can get something that they want for free, or with very little effort then they will do just that.  Very little.  Sadly I think there is a whole generation of teenagers and young adults that would fall into that same frame of mind.  I was tired of hear myself nagging constantly for them to get stuff done, and I am sure they were done hearing me nag as well.  And I didn't like the lack of pride in a job well done.  I can't count the number of times I had to remind the kids that a job done well the first time takes less time than doing it over and over again until you get it right because they didn't care to do right the first time.  Ayden also happened to be working on his Personal Management merit badge for scouts and has to keep a personal budget for 13 weeks.  How could he keep a budget if he didn't earn any money?

So I started praying for answers and scouring blogs and websites looking for an answers to my question of how to teach children, effectively, about responsibility and then about managing money.  Because let's be honest.  It couldn't hurt to have a few more people in this world who are responsible and know how to manage their money wisely.

I found that there are a million different points of view on this topic.  I couldn't find just one that fit my family and how we would like to approach this.  The one idea that is closest to ours, I found on a blog here.  So I started with what I wanted my outcome to be.  Ryan and I want children who worked hard, who took pride in doing a good job and knew how to manage money wisely.  I also wanted them to learn about wants and needs and forgoing immediate wants for long term needs or wants.  So after doing that, Ryan and I mulled over just how we were going to implement this into our family.  The end result is what we like to call the "Heitmann Family Economy".  Now this may not fit every family's needs or may not work with the personalities of your children, but so far it is working for ours.

We tried to liken our home to the real world.  In the real world when you have a job, you have responsibilities that you are expected to take care of.  If you do that you are paid a specific amount.  If you do it well you may receive bonuses or promotions.  If you don't do your job then you can be docked in pay or lose privileges   We can't really fire them from being in our family!!  If we wanted to prepare them for the real world then by golly our home needed to be operate somewhat like it.

To start off we decided that our children have responsibilities as being a part of our family.  Those include their personal space (bedroom, clothes, ect) and spaces that they use in the rest of the home (bathroom, kitchen, ect).  They have responsibilities at school with homework and learning instruments or learning to read in Wyatt's case.  And they have responsibilities as being a member of our church (ie scouts for Ayden).  We are choosing to pay them once a week based on how well they accomplish the responsibilities that they have for that particular week.  They each have a chart listing out their jobs and the required things needed to be done that week.  They get the satisfaction of marking off each one as they are accomplished.  I based my charts off a blog post I read.  We personalized it for our kids and what was needed in our home, but how we pay our kids is also similar to theirs.  On the money management side for our family, the break down is 10% is paid in tithing, 40% is put into their savings, and 50% is for them to spend.

We started this on Monday.  So far there has been far less nagging and much more work going on in our home.  And my house has remained clean for longer than an afternoon.  Now I realize some of you may be thinking, "it is only been four days" but when Meysa looks at me this morning and says, "we totally get this mom", it leads me to believe that it may actually work.  And after the new American Girl catalog came in the mail yesterday, Lauryn declared she wanted the new Girl of the Year doll Saige.  Without any prompting from me, Ayden helped her figure out, based on what she has to spend each month, how long it will take her to save up for that doll.  It will take her 9-10 months and not once did she ask if I would buy it for her.  It made my mom heart happy.

So there you have it,  the "New Deal" at the Heitmann house.  Ryan and I are really hopeful that it will work and that our kids will gain something beneficial from it.

What do you do for teaching your kids about work and money?

 

{Christmas 2012}

We had a wonderfully quiet Christmas this year.  It was low key, with nowhere to scurry off to.  Ryan's Mom & Greg made it back from Williamsburg (which was awesome) to spend Christmas Eve and part of Christmas day with us.  The kids loved having family here to share the holiday with.  We even got a treat.  A light dusting of snow, when we weren't expecting any snow at all.

Christmas Eve we played a rousing game of Apples to Apples.  We decorated sugar cookies to leave out for Santa.  We opened up our pajamas and took some pretty embarrassing pictures under the tree (I am protecting the offending parties by not posting those particular ones).  We read from the scriptures the story of the birth of the Savior.  The kids had fun using our puppets to help tell the story.  The kids ended the night by writing their thank you letters to Santa.  Then finally it was off to bed.

Our eldest child had a hard time sleeping this year.  I think he was up three times between 3am and 6:45am. At 6:45 he finally went downstairs with his sisters and then waited for the rest of us to make it out of bed.  The girls got American Girl dolls.  They were REALLY happy!!  Can't you tell by Lauryn's hair!!  Wyatt got a little iPod shuffle so he can leave Mom's alone.  That kid loves music and listens to it each night while going to bed.  Ayden got laser tag sets (which I didn't get a picture of for some reason) and Legos.  He is pretty easy to please.

By 7:45 all the gifts were opened and we were wading through a sea of wrapping paper and ribbons.  The kids were playing blissfully with their presents and Ryan, I, Margaret and Greg were able to open our gifts in peace.  Then we enjoyed breakfast and sadly had to say goodbye to Grandma and Grandpa.  We really enjoyed spending time with them.

We feel immensely blessed and fortunate this year.  We are happy and healthy and have far more than what we need.  Merry Christmas!!
 

{Temple Lights}

 We love visiting the temple at Christmas time.  It helps us remember that the real reason for the season is our Savior, Jesus Christ.  This year the kids, especially Ayden and Meysa, were excited to see the lights.  Ayden and Meysa helped put up lights this fall in preparation for the Holiday season.  The picture below is the tree that they helped wrap in lights.

The little guys were excited to find trees that they could blend into.  It's like "Where's Waldo?  The color edition".  Nerds!!  We came home when our toes were frozen and had some hot chocolate to warm up.  We hope you have a very Merry Christmas!!

{Gingerbread town}

Grandma & Grandpa stopped by our house on their way to visit Williamsburg for Christmas, and we roped them into helping us build our Gingerbread town.  It is better to make a town than one house because then everyone gets to have their own home and the fighting stays to a minimum.  I should have timed how long the homes lasted before they were stripped of the decorations and the chinking started to fall apart.  It would have been under 24 hours.  Wyatt was the biggest offender when it came to looting, the little booger.  I guess the memories are what are suppose to last a while, not the houses.  We are excited that Christmas is just around the corner and that we get to spend it with family this year.